For the past few days, Nigerian media personality Toke Makinwa has “broken” the Nigerian/African internet with a Beyoncé lemonade type memoir. The memoir titled ‘On Becoming’, which released on November 27, 2016, is a chronicle of her toxic and failed relationship with an ex-husband, Maje Ayida, that ended in divorce earlier this year. Makinwa revealed details that are considered taboo in African society, including a claim that her ex-husband infected her with a sexually transmitted disease.
Here are some sensational/controversial excerpts:
Her mother-in-law prayed for a different husband for her:
“In 2010, Maje’s mother took ill. By this time, I had been introduced to his family, and I spent christmas that year with them. I remember his mum praying for me, saying that God would give me my own husband, and I found this odd as I was dating her son.”
She bleached her skin because of her husband’s ex-girlfriend turned mistress:
“I had been with Maje from when I was an immature teenager, through my twenties, and for most of those years, Anita had been the standard I had to live up to. I had lightened my skin at some point – Anita was half Lebanese and half Ibibio, and Maje made me feel like he preferred her lighter skin.”
She discovered her ex-husband had a child with another woman… :
“There was a 70-day fasting and prayer programme at my church. I joined in: I was praying for Maje and I. On the final day, I asked God to reveal why Maje and I couldn’t find peace with each other. I opened my email address and typed Maje’s email address in. I went through email after email until I found pictures of a boy that looked exactly like Maje….”
When they dated, she discovered, yet again, that her ex-husband was cheating on her:
“At some point while we were dating, Maje had asked if he could tape us having sex. This was a new one for me but I would do anything to keep my man, or so I thought, and so I obliged. But I was nervous afterwards because I didn’t want the tape to get into the wrong hands.
I dragged the file back to his desktop, and I could tell from the stilled image in the video that the person in it was not me. I clicked play and watched horrified as Maje had sex with Anita. Watching that video, all of the inadequacies I thought I had dealt with over the years came rushing back.”
She learns about the ex-girlfriend turned mistress. He later impregnated his mistress:
“Who was that girl?” I asked “That’s that girl” “Which girl?” “The girl I told you about. Her friends are always calling me to say she really likes me and has a crush on me. Her name is Anita.” “So that’s the Anita girl they say you are dating.” “I’m not dating her. How can I date someone that is always saying ‘can I come and see you? I’ll bring my friend that you think is cute’?” “I accepted Maje’s explanation and concluded that Anita was not important . So I’ll be with Maje and she’d call and I’d tell him, “The girl that has a crush on you is calling.” And it would be nothing.”
Her ex-husband gives her a sexually transmitted disease:
“He had given me an STI in the past. He’d returned from a trip once and we had sex, and a few days later, I was itching. ‘I went to the doctors and they prescribed medication, but when I asked Maje about the infection he denied knowing anything about it. I went through his PHONE and saw a conversation with Anita where she complained that she had been itching.”
Her ex-husband’s refusal to have a child with her:
“I was even toying with the idea of becoming a mother. I would tell Maje at night to go for it. I didn’t want the happy days to end and I thought maybe, just maybe, a baby would bring us so much closer. But I knew Maje wasn’t ready for it. He wanted to open his facility, and I didn’t want the added stress of bills to come between us. I took care of myself well enough not to be a burden on him. I didn’t want him to shrink under the load of a new baby when his career was all he was excited about, and so when we did have sex, he would not cum inside me.”
Her ex-husband stood her up three times before at the altar:
“It was my wedding day. I was happy, yet I was waiting for something to happen. Maje had disappointed me three times before. We would pick a date to go to the wedding registry and he would call it off. It wasn’t until we shared our first dance that I finally believed that it had happened. . .”
Watch her interview with The Fashion Bomb Daily’s Claire Summers about her memoir.
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